10 Quiet Signs You Might Be a Perfectionist — And How God Invites You Into Grace Instead
- Amy Blossom
- Jul 17, 2018
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 8, 2025
Most people don’t wake up one day and decide to become perfectionists. It happens quietly and slowly as expectations creep in and the desire to “get it right” becomes heavy.
In our minds, it sounds noble. In our hearts, it becomes exhausting. But the truth is this: Perfectionism steals what Jesus freely gives — rest, joy, and grace.
God never asked you to be flawless. He asked you to follow Him.
My Personal Story
When I was young, I made straight A’s in school. My projects and homework were always neat and organized. As I got older, these behaviors progressed. My house, my kids, my projects, my work…. everything had to be perfect. I was striving constantly to be the perfect everything to everyone. I lived with constant fear of letting others down, especially myself and the Lord.
I did everything a certain way, checked and re-checked, started over many times until whatever I was doing was acceptable to me, and put unrealistic expectations on myself. It was exhausting.
I’ve always known personally that I am not perfect in any way, shape or form and that no matter what, I would never be able to achieve perfection. I have also known that the Bible is clear about our inability to achieve perfection in Romans 3:23: "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
So, knowing what I have always known, why did I always strive for perfection? It's hard to explain the feelings. Perhaps my actions were based on fears that I somehow wouldn’t measure up - to whom, I have no idea. I was constantly searching for a way to make everyone see that I had it all together and that I could do anything.
Being a perfectionist has had some negative affects on my life. It wasn’t that everything had to be my way or that I had to control everything, but in my mind, I felt that there was a right way and a wrong way to do things.
Because of this way of thinking, I became critical of others who didn’t see things the way I saw them. There was never any ill-intent in my actions but I’m sure I upset people and hurt some feelings along the way.
I didn’t have some great revelation about how being a perfectionist was literally draining me; I think I somehow grew to deal with my feelings a different way. I won’t sugarcoat it, it has taken me years to get where I am now.
Yes, I still want my house in order and the things I do to meet certain standards that I set for myself, but I no longer worry as much about it. Honestly, getting to this point came with a lot of praying and realizing I can never be perfect.
The one and only perfect person is Jesus. Period. No matter what I do, right or wrong, God loves me, my husband loves me, my kids love me and my family and friends love me… for who I am.
10 Signs You Might Be a Perfectionist
If you are a perfectionist, you will know exactly what I am talking about when I say the struggle is real. Here are 10 signs that you may be a perfectionist:
1. You replay mistakes over and over
If you accidentally say the wrong thing or make a small error, you think about it for hours — or days.
Truth to remember:
“Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
2. You fear being misunderstood
You want people to see your heart, and you panic when your intentions don’t come across perfectly.
Truth to remember:
“The LORD does not see as man sees.” 1 Samuel 16:7
God sees your heart even when others don’t.
3. You avoid things you might not be perfect at
If you can’t excel, you’d rather not try at all. New things feel threatening instead of exciting.
Truth to remember:
“His strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
God isn’t asking for perfection — He’s asking for willingness.
4. You apologize excessively
Even when something isn’t your fault, you feel responsible. You say “I’m sorry” more than you need to.
Truth to remember:
You are allowed to be human.
You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to be learning.
5. You believe your worth is tied to your performance
Whether it’s your appearance, your job, your parenting, or your ministry - you feel valuable only when you succeed.
Truth to remember:
“You are precious in My sight… and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4
Your worth is given, not earned.
6. You struggle to rest because something might be undone
Rest makes you feel guilty. Productivity feels safer.
Truth to remember:
“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
God calls you to rest, not to run endlessly.
7. You take small comments as big criticism
Even gentle feedback feels like failure.
Truth to remember:
“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Romans 8:1
Conviction is from God. Condemnation is not.
8. You hate asking for help
You don’t want to inconvenience anyone or appear weak, so you silently shoulder everything.
Truth to remember:
“Bear one another’s burdens.” Galatians 6:2
God designed us to need each other.
9. You constantly raise the bar on yourself
Even when you meet a goal, you immediately set a higher one. Celebration feels foreign.
Truth to remember:
You don’t have to earn God’s approval. You already have it in Christ.
10. You speak kindly to others but harshly to yourself
Your internal voice is unforgiving, demanding, sometimes cruel…But Jesus speaks differently over you.
Truth to remember:
“The LORD is compassionate and gracious." Psalm 103:8
God is gentle with you. You can learn to be gentle with yourself.
So… What Do You Do if You Recognize Yourself in These Traits?
You breathe. You slow down. You remember this beautiful truth:
God never asked you to be perfect - He invites you to be faithful.
Perfection is pressure. Grace is freedom.
Ask the Lord to help you release unrealistic expectations and rest in the truth that His strength works best in your weakness. He loves you fully, right now, as you are.
Closing Encouragement
If you see yourself in these signs, you’re not alone... and you’re not broken. You’re simply human. And God meets humans with grace, not scolding.
Let this be the beginning of a gentler, freer way of living with Jesus.
Blessings,
Amy
